Rely {Fully} on God

The last few weeks have been a little rough in the Warren household.  I really feel like Satan has been attacking me with a few things and I haven't been doing very well with it.  It wasn't until one day last week while praying on my way to work that God told me exactly what to do.  {TRUST ME}.

As you may know, our main focus at present is raising support before leaving for Saipan in July.  This involves seeking out Support Team Partners who will commit to donating as little as $10/month for the 2 years we will be gone.  This money is what makes our mission work on Saipan possible.  In addition to that, we also have one lump sum amount to raise to pay for travel to Saipan, shipping of goods, etc.  A lot of numbers that are always on my mind.  In the course of only a couple days the week before last (it may have been last week actually...?), we had a couple sets of bad news in this area.  They really rocked my heart and I was honestly struggling with each sad response.

I do not want to go into great detail about this, because in the grand scheme of things it isn't overly important.  But, I will say that we have been heart broken to realize some relationships aren't as strong as we believed them to be.  Relationships that span over one or more decades.  It hurts.  It hurts hearing "no" from people of power within churches and not even being offered prayer or encouragement in its place.  It hurts to find out a church's promised commitment has to be revoked due to grumblings of a few.  It hurts being told "we can't help" from people we have known for years and considered close friends.  While maybe I shouldn't take it to this extreme, it feels like we are being told that we are not worth a sacrifice on their part- like the work God is calling us to do on Saipan isn't worth their $0.34 a day.

Yes, I do understand that there truly are circumstances out there in which some of our loved ones will not be able to support us financially.  The economy is rough and people have other obligations.  I am not saying any of this as a judgement against anyone.  The point I am trying to make is that even when a person (or group) says they cannot support us monetarily, it has rarely been followed up with an offering of prayer and encouragement.  We are in desperate need of the prayers and encouragement of those around us.  Prayer will be the fuel for everything we do Here and on Saipan.  I understand if one cannot afford to sponsor us, but please keep us close in your prayers and share words of encouragement.

As I said, Satan has really been pushing these sad thoughts on my mind recently and it has worn me down.  I started feeling defeated.  I started talking to God about each specific situation and how it felt.  Once I poured out my heart, I felt a sense of calm.  That is when I heard Him- not audibly, but definitely from Him- saying {TRUST ME}.  It was time to stop relying on my own efforts or the efforts of my husband, our missions director or other people.  It is time to rely FULLY on God and to know that His timing is excellent and perfect.  Yes, I am scared at the loss of shares we encountered last week and find myself wishing to reach our goal {soon}.  But, these are not things within my control.  God has the plan.  I just need to keep working towards the goal and HE will make sure we get there.

I want to add- This journey has had way more joys than sorrows, for sure.  God has used a number of people to bless us beyond our expectations.  More than once, a Share Card has come in or a conversation has been had and we are blown away by the generousity of our friends and family.  God's blessings are not coming from the places we had deemed most likely or the places/people we were "counting on".  His blessings are being poured out by His servants- those willing to sacrifice for the mission on Saipan. 

These people do not even know how much they have touched our lives, and they may never fully know.  But it was the reminder I needed to refocus my energy and emotions.  I only need to rely {fully} on God and His timing.  July is coming and through God's provisions, we WILL be ready.

God Never Wastes a Wound

Last night I attended our new small group, by myself.  It was really weird to go without Jason and I was pretty nervous about it.  Jason is obviously the "talker" of our family- I think he would talk to a wall if he had something interesting to say!  Now before you start saying how I am equally talkative (because you would be RIGHT!), remember that I am not usually that talkative on first encounters.  For whatever reason, I get high levels of anxiety thinking about meeting new people, even though I LOVE making new friends.  What is up with that?? 

Anyway, the evening was great, of course!  Skyline (our new church) does a great job of welcoming any and everyone- we are all family.  Their small groups are set up to dive deeper into each week's sermon and our group has a wide variety of ages, spiritual maturity, life stages, etc.  Honestly, I think it is a *great* way to do it.  We can all help each other grow and learn- we don't all have to be "20-somethings" to study together.  Everyone was very friendly and even though I struggled with making small talk (probably my worst and lowest ability...), it went very well.

We are going through a Man vs. Wife series right now at church and this was the first week's topic: Divorce.  Talk about going straight for the jugular.  It was pretty refreshing to hear our pastor speak candidly and boldly about this topic, while still remaining sensitive and compassionate.  While he made it very clear what the Bible says about divorce, he never pointed a finger of blame or made anyone feel judged.  I really liked that.  As a person who grew up in a broken home, I know first hand the pain divorce causes an entire family.  I also know that many people in churches still have very strong feelings about divorce- and tend to take those feelings out on any divorced person.  No, I am not saying that everyone is that way.  But I do have personal experience with more than a few people who treated my mother differently because she was divorced.

I think it is important for us all to remember that our marriages are worth FIGHTING FOR.  That divorce must be taken seriously- not trivialized as it is in almost any modern TV show or movie.  But, divorce will happen.  We may not know all the back story in a person's life that lead to their divorce- was their spouse unfaithful?  Did their spouse just want out despite every effort on their part?  Was their spouse abusive, verbally or physically?  Did they just decide to stop trying?  No matter what the reason may be, no one is outside the Grace of God. 

It is also not our place to pass judgement on someone because their sin is in the public's eye.  Yes, God Detests Divorce.  But He also Hates Sin.  Why does the fact that I am still married (but have other sins I struggle with daily) make me better than someone who is divorced?  It doesn't.  I can just more easily hide my struggles, while anyone going through a divorce is automatically going through it in front of everyone.  You can't hide those wounds.  One thing Pastor Lance said on Sunday that has stuck with me and was repeated again last night- God never wastes a wound. 

He can use even our darkest hurts for His Glory- if we are willing to let Him.